Smallville is my home, Clark. Not this one, this Smallville, right here. You’re all I’ll ever need.
Tag: smallville
“I wanted these vows to be perfect, but perfection’s a hard thing to get your hands on. But life is meant to be a little messy. And when it comes to love, I think it’s like my dad always said about the army… You only sign up if it’s the only thing you could ever imagine doing. And, Clark, I cannot imagine spending a moment of my life without you. So, I promise that I will always have your back, as you will always have mine.”
i reckon this will be the last season six post which means i’ll only have four more seasons worth of posts to think up headings for:
-i don’t like jimmy. chloe can do better
-lana just got shot and has the tiniest most aesthetically pleasing bullet wound i have ever seen
-they’re doing a noir episode which is cool. unfortunately it’s jimmy centric. fortunately we’ve got classic nerd clark kent complete with glasses which is amazing
-clark just showed up in a suit with his hair slicked back oozing confidence and i just about fainted
-noir!lois is breathtaking this episode is not kind on my bi heart
-holy shit i looked it up and it was actually erica durance singing as noir!lois which means i am dead
-next episode opens up with some truly horrible cgi
-lex: you know we have about a dozen people who could do that for you. lana: there are some things i’d rather do on my own. lex: independent and not afraid to get her hands dirty, two of the billion reasons i fell in love with you. (this exchange would not be completely ridiculous except lana is arranging flowers. that’s what she’s doing on her own, that’s getting her hands dirty)
-lois lane hates fascists and flirts with girls
-lois’s first kiss story is amazing: steals dad’s whiskey, gets drunk, kisses boy, boy is totally into it, boy vomits and passes out, hitting his head in the process which leaves a lifelong scar, blood and vomit everywhere. what a first kiss
-ahhh they lampshaded the clark speeding away mid conversation thing. good times
-martha kent manages to get another democratically elected position without being democratically elected. wild
-the lana/lex breakup was so satisfying. soooo satisfying. i’m so glad that’s over
-nooooo lois. my girl just got stabbed
-holy shit lana just DIED (again, can’t imagine this time will stick either). what is happening???
-and chloe has healing tears! which apparently kill her to use so that sucks
-omg bizarro! BIZARRO! BIZARRO
villesmall six contined season (i’m just trying for variety here leave me alone):
-chloe: you never know when the next love of your life is around the corner. *lois walks in* me: *openly weeping*
-i hate jimmy olsen. that’s all
-i take it back for now apparently he was the first to see clois potential. wild
-I’VE GOT A NEW SHIP TAG KIDS! otp: hot fudge and halibut
-i really really wish lana could have something to do other than the terrible romance storyline but i also know that i need to be careful what i wish for cause the last time that happened it was the horrible witch arc
-lois shows up at the kent house in a really tiny skirt and mum kent has a very not straight reaction. i don’t know exactly when i got on this train but i do know i’m never getting off
-this is a red kryptonite episode and if i don’t see rkc i’m going to be devastated. have i mentioned lately how much i love him?
-lois made clark a mix cd and i would like to marry her immediately please
-lana: i won’t ask you to betray clark’s secret if you stop denying he has one. me: 🎶that’s a really unfair position to put her in lana🎶
-lois got a boob tattoo! (i am suddenly very confused about the timeline of this episode i thought clark superspeeded to the daily planet but lois has had time to get to metropolis and get a tattoo i am confusion). this episode reminds me of the smallville early days it’s nice
-clark is suffering™ on this valentines day
-RED KRYPTONITE CLARK IS BAAAAAAACK
-as soon as lois kisses clark she knows she’s kissed him before when could your ship ever???
-rkc just straight up told lois that oliver is green arrow i’m delighted
-lois: thank god i finally found a normal guy. me and clark: stares straight into the camera like we’re on the office
-lex and lana have another unbearably creepy scene in which lex is incredibly blatantly manipulative
-lana: i don’t want people to think we’re getting married just because i’m pregnant. me: that literally is why you’re getting married though
-awwww man clark just showed lois his powers which means they won’t remember this
-creepy lipstick lady is wrong about a lot of things but is 110% right about clois
-rkc is such a messy bench who loves drama and i love him
-the baddie of this episode attacks lana with an axe which is WHY WE DON’T KEEP RANDOM DECORATIVE AXES ON OUR WALLS LEX
-yet another bad guy who hates lex who kinda has a point
-mmmmm clark is doing carpentry. earlier on he had a horse. this was a good episode for farm boy clark
-clark and lex have taken on the mantle of angry homoerotic barn chats from their respective fathers. what a tradition to pass down
-i don’t remember chloe having any superpowers but that’s what is apparently happening so ¯_(ツ)_/¯
-clark literally just YEETED a picture of him and lana out of the window i love it when smallville gets angsty but just misses the mark and hits hilarity
-angry hay bale throwing! ah what a world, what a time to be alive
-clark breaks off a door! i don’t know why all my favourite things are happening in the first ten minutes of this episode but i’m delighted nonetheless
-i cannot possibly overstate this moment: lex is in a tiny(?) dark room, all alone with a glass of wine, watching on a massive screen footage of lana’s ultrasound. the most weird and extra thing i have ever seen tbh
-anyway i have never been more disappointed in my life to learn something was a dream sequence. also this episode had already had a dream sequence. two in one episode is excessive
-oh hi lionel. it’s been a while
-lionel: are you avoiding the fact that you’ve no one to be with and nothing to do? me: holy shit mate don’t hold back! but also yes it’s super unhealthy that lex has literally no other friends or close relationships outside lana. can’t believe lionel was the one to point that out
-lex killed a man on his own wedding day. fucking wow mate
-we’re onto a three dream sequence total so i guess that’s the conceit of the episode. that and the time skips which are making me <preludes voice> soooo tired
-i love it when we see the same coversation from different character’s points of view but the actual words said are different. love that
-ahhh lana’s wedding dress is just as horrible as i expected it to be
-poor clark. poor lana. that whole wedding situation was so fucked up
-wow that cold open was both pervy AND confusing
-i love that all the folx of the phantom zone (dibs on that band name btw) are played by professional wrestlers
-lex: it’s baby safe, just sparkling cider. me: a) lana is not pregnant so that’s not actually an issue b) CIDER IS ALCHOL- wait nevermind not in america carry on
-although what exactly is lex’s plan here? it will get to the point where lana really will notice that she’s not pregnant. is… is lex planning on faking a miscarriage cause that’s… just… evil
-lois is hardcore flirting with a terrifying wrestling woman and i’ve never been so delighted. my little bi heart can’t take this
-technically they’ve tried to be all mysterious with “the truth about lana’s pregnancy” but come on, what else could it actually be other than she’s not preggers?
-jeeeeesus fucking christ on a goddamn bicycle they really are going with a faked miscarriage that’s so incredibly fucked up christ lex this relationship is so abusive i’m feeling a bit sick
-yet again this is an episode where one plotline is great and fun and the other is violently awful
-as soon as lynda carter showed up i could hear my mother’s terrible rendition of the wonder woman theme song echoing through my brainbox
-yet ANOTHER episode where the person going after lex had questionable methods but is actually completely correct and fairly justified
-lex: did you even try to see my humanity before you decided i had none? me: you were friends for literal years lex what are you talking about???
-i don’t know when this episode became just lex and clark angsting at each other underground but it’s amazing. is this moving the plot forward? not really. is this developing their relationship? not really. am i loving it? YES
-this episode has a lot of tom welling’s incredible bare arms and i would like to thank not only god but also beyonce
-also he’s kinda grubby and i kinda love it when he’s kinda grubby
-turns out i love the lana/lex dynamic when she knows everything and kinda hates him BUT HE STILL THINKS HE’S GOT HER IN THE DARK
-”if someone lied to me like that, they would lose my love forever” says lana, knowing full well that lex lied to her like that and that he knows he lied to her like that but that he doesn’t know that she knows hahahahaaaahhaha fantastic
-i know clark wouldn’t be clark if he wasn’t angsting about if he gave up on lex too soon but i would like to counter with what if clark didn’t give up on lex soon enough?
sneezon six:
-rita seeker-alike coming in to fuck shit up
-this episode is painful. i hate the lana drama episodes
-i’ve actually had to turn the sound off because i’m finding this scene so excruciating
-lois continues to do sports in a collection of the worst sports bras of all time
-FIRST CLOIS KISS FIRST CLOIS KISS FIRST CLOIS KISS
-i really like clark dressing up as the green arrow
-WHHHHHHHHHHY DOES LANA FEEL SO ENTITLED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE I HAAAAAAATE IT SHE’S NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH CLARK ANYMORE SHE DOESN’T GET TO BE A DICK TO CHLOE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
-like, sometimes i’m hurt that my friends don’t tell me things but ultimately it’s their lives and they have no obligation to talk to me about it why does no one on this show understand this?
-clark: lana, i hope lex makes you very happy. me: he won’t
-lex just walked into a room and said “a million dollars for your thoughts” i cannot stand him
-i literally cannot wait until lana realises lex has been lying to her holy shit i’ll be cackling for weeks
-so in the credits this season. there is a kiss between lana and zod!lex and it is the most painfully unsexy thing i have ever seen
-other superheroes! in an episode called “justice”. well this show has never been known for its subtlety
-the boys are back in town! it’s nice to see the flash AND aquaman AND cyclops all working together. it’s cute
-chloe is wearing something that is almost a Look. maybe soon the clothes will be bearable
-omg chloe just got called watchtower i… this is becoming the show i remember. i do miss the bee-fighting days though
-this episode is so cool it’s like proper superhero stuff complete with snarky team dynamics covering deep affection i lov
-cyborg and aquaman giving me the homoeroticism i have so sorely missed
-they
-walked
-in
-slow
-motion
-away
-from
-an
-explosion
-clark here like ”i will fix tractors like my father before me”
-surely the “main character is in a mental health facility and none of this show is real” trope was old even by the time this episode was concieved
-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh BAD depictions of mental illness i haaaaaate this episode how was the last one so good and this one so bad
-i just found out that the actress who played chloe was apparently part of an evil sex cult so that’s pretty weird. guess i gotta work on the whole separating an artist from their art thing that i’m so bad at
-i don’t know when this happened but i really want mum kent to get a girlfriend
-this is turning into one of those “i just gotta get through this” episodes
-i guess i just don’t like it when it’s clark against the world. he’s better with friends
-at least clark being absolutely wrecked when he has to fight without superpowers is always entertaining
-mum kent: don’t hurt him! luthor security men: *shoots wildly at clark*
-”take my yaris”
-lex: you really think you saved me? *shows clark he’s in a wheelchair* me: YIKE the ableism in this episode
-jor-el is a fucking soap i’ve never laughed harder can you believe smallville invented comedy
-dr man: the procedure is quite painless. CUT TO a massive drill pointed at clark’s head
-well i guess that’s over. a horrible episode all round really
season six draws on apace:
-so all the character development lionel had i think is being explained away as “jor-el’s influence” and now he’s back to being a baddie? i think?
-oooo flashback! to october 26th, 1996. i was four months and 14 days old. that dates the show AND me
-god ~i~ went to a private school and i still can’t stand private school kids
-i don’t feel sorry for lex at all though (very good casting for young lex and young ollie though, really good likenesses). he’s used his trauma to excuse horrific behaviours and i have no sympathy anymore
-clark: oliver queen still owes me one. me: “still”? that was LAST EPISODE
-ollie was a dick when he was younger but he’s a decent sort now. lex was a decent sort when he was younger and now he’s a dick
-i retract my previous statement. lex has always been a dick
-i am really enjoying this episode though. i love backstory and flashbacks, ESPECIALLY when it’s messy
-STOP PUTTING KRYPTONITE IN EVERYTHING
-OH WOW. this was the noughties and people still used the r slur. gross
-awwww chloe and oliver first meeting. it’s cute cause they don’t know yet but I DOOOOOO
-there are actually some people of colour in this episode. lets see how long that lasts. this show is NOT diverse
-i do not trust raya
-ooops rip raya
-nooooo ollie got shot
-ah a thanksgiving episode, how extremely american
-does the sketch they have of the green arrow purposely look like the unabomber one or…
-lex and lana continue to be the Worst Pairing
-lots of guilt tripping clark about not actively being a superhero but oooooo it’s coming
-mum kent and daddy luthor having a moment and i literally just kept repeating “no no no no no nope no no no no no no” in response SURELY he’s going to die soon?
-the “martha wants lionel to come to her’s for thanksgiving” subplot to this episode is really weird
-i am liking that they’re challenging clark’s slightly myopic morality, it’s nice
-i don’t know much about science but destroying all your work instead of tweaking it until it works properly is not how you’re supposed to do it, right?
-clark: if you’re in trouble i can help. lana: clark this has nothing to do with you! me: i mean he never said that it did but okay
-clark: you’re not me, and lois isn’t lana. if you two are meant to be who am i to stand in the way? me: *laughing so hard they can’t breathe* who indeed?
-lana honey, if the thought of being pregnant is making you this unhappy get an abortion
-have i mentioned how much i LOVE that clark and oliver have known each other’s identities from the beginning? it’s just nice is all and i’m loving seeing their friendship grow
-uuuuuuuggggghhhh i’ve never seen a thanksgiving episode on any show that’s had a remotely bearable thanksgiving scene
-that’s a lie community did okay
-flip phones!
-lex and lana eating at opposite ends of a really long table as only rich people do
-poor waiters who have to serve lex and lana on thanksgiving instead of being with their families
-i think the bad guy in this episode might be drax? and they said he’d never acted before
-when the bad guys are targeting lex they don’t really seem like bad guys. on the other hand, the other villain “guy who rips out people’s bones” is pretty clear-cut
-oh good, lex has been exploiting the mentally ill
-lana is not coming across as a very good person atm
-oooooooo martian manhunter very exciting
-clark is going through his order of the phoenix stage of character development but it’s okay i loved hp through that time i can love clark (they’re VERY similar characters aren’t they)
-the burning question: is clark a gryffindor or a hufflepuff?
-LOVE the establishing shot of the kent’s post box. i don’t think it’s changed since the start of the show and it has ALWAYS been unnecessary. iconic
-HOLY SHIT lana’s just like “yah i’m cool with your super secret experimenting on people lab thing that totally doesn’t exist but if it did exist i’d be fine with it”. that’s… so fucked up… just SO fucked up
-lex has as creepy room full of roses and candles and i think we’re supposed to see it as romantic but it’s seriously so creepy
-lana walking around with her hand on her completely flat stomach because SHE IS PREGNANT. stellar acting/directing choice there
-teen wolf is in this episode
-the domestic life of lex and lana is utterly unbearable
-amsterdam is famously romantic is it lex? i think of two things when i think of amsterdam and neither of them are very romantic
-oh we’re doing an illegal immigrant storyline. let’s see how this holds up. are we gonna touch superman being the ultimate illegal immigrant? this could go really well or really badly
-THE BLUE TRUCK MAKES IT’S GLORIOUS RETURN
-farmer intrigue! a pivot pin! clark just lampshaded how daddy kent was always working on the tractor!
-this is my face every time lex and lana kiss:
-clark is actually coming through for me. PLEASE don’t let him be “proved wrong” by the narrative of the episode
-kill me jimmy olsen did the S P E A K I N G R E A L L Y L O U D L Y A N D S L O W L Y to teen wolf who is an “illegal alien” this isn’t a lovable mistake it’s just incredibly racist
-the narrative proved clark right thank fuck they didn’t fuck this episode up
-i mean they didn’t do anything particularly incisive with an interesting idea but still it wasn’t a steaming pile of poo
-amsterdam is full of canals, i don’t think a stretch limo is the best vehicle? tfw you’re so rich you start being impractical
-lana: unlike some people i know, lex doesn’t lie to me. me: i am so ready for the other shoe to drop with this. i was ready yesterday, last week, a year ago
-whoa that was some proper pop punk emo soundtrack action to close the episode
iampinbitch 