Category: Uncategorized

helabarn:

godswalkwithher:

agrimoniia:

vilespit:

spectr3:

maccymacdonald:

lyncornis:

i made an aesthetic generator now you can discover urself

once i figure out how to pull off ‘feminine dad’ it’s over for you bitches

“disease piece of shit”

Monolith Goth

Nature abomination.

Bog hipster

Which I would like to argue, but really, I was into it before the generator was even made.

flower gay

i feel so called out rn

gender demon

season six draws on apace:

-so all the character development lionel had i think is being explained away as “jor-el’s influence” and now he’s back to being a baddie? i think?

-oooo flashback! to october 26th, 1996. i was four months and 14 days old. that dates the show AND me

-god ~i~ went to a private school and i still can’t stand private school kids

-i don’t feel sorry for lex at all though (very good casting for young lex and young ollie though, really good likenesses). he’s used his trauma to excuse horrific behaviours and i have no sympathy anymore

-clark: oliver queen still owes me one. me: “still”? that was LAST EPISODE

-ollie was a dick when he was younger but he’s a decent sort now. lex was a decent sort when he was younger and now he’s a dick

-i retract my previous statement. lex has always been a dick

-i am really enjoying this episode though. i love backstory and flashbacks, ESPECIALLY when it’s messy

-STOP PUTTING KRYPTONITE IN EVERYTHING

-OH WOW. this was the noughties and people still used the r slur. gross

-awwww chloe and oliver first meeting. it’s cute cause they don’t know yet but I DOOOOOO

-there are actually some people of colour in this episode. lets see how long that lasts. this show is NOT diverse

-i do not trust raya

-ooops rip raya

-nooooo ollie got shot

-ah a thanksgiving episode, how extremely american

-does the sketch they have of the green arrow purposely look like the unabomber one or…

-lex and lana continue to be the Worst Pairing

-lots of guilt tripping clark about not actively being a superhero but oooooo it’s coming

-mum kent and daddy luthor having a moment and i literally just kept repeating “no no no no no nope no no no no no no” in response SURELY he’s going to die soon?

-the “martha wants lionel to come to her’s for thanksgiving” subplot to this episode is really weird

-i am liking that they’re challenging clark’s slightly myopic morality, it’s nice

-i don’t know much about science but destroying all your work instead of tweaking it until it works properly is not how you’re supposed to do it, right?

-clark: if you’re in trouble i can help. lana: clark this has nothing to do with you! me: i mean he never said that it did but okay

-clark: you’re not me, and lois isn’t lana. if you two are meant to be who am i to stand in the way? me: *laughing so hard they can’t breathe* who indeed?

-lana honey, if the thought of being pregnant is making you this unhappy get an abortion

-have i mentioned how much i LOVE that clark and oliver have known each other’s identities from the beginning? it’s just nice is all and i’m loving seeing their friendship grow

-uuuuuuuggggghhhh i’ve never seen a thanksgiving episode on any show that’s had a remotely bearable thanksgiving scene

-that’s a lie community did okay

-flip phones!

-lex and lana eating at opposite ends of a really long table as only rich people do

-poor waiters who have to serve lex and lana on thanksgiving instead of being with their families

-i think the bad guy in this episode might be drax? and they said he’d never acted before

-when the bad guys are targeting lex they don’t really seem like bad guys. on the other hand, the other villain “guy who rips out people’s bones” is pretty clear-cut

-oh good, lex has been exploiting the mentally ill

-lana is not coming across as a very good person atm

-oooooooo martian manhunter very exciting

-clark is going through his order of the phoenix stage of character development but it’s okay i loved hp through that time i can love clark (they’re VERY similar characters aren’t they)

-the burning question: is clark a gryffindor or a hufflepuff?

-LOVE the establishing shot of the kent’s post box. i don’t think it’s changed since the start of the show and it has ALWAYS been unnecessary. iconic

-HOLY SHIT lana’s just like “yah i’m cool with your super secret experimenting on people lab thing that totally doesn’t exist but if it did exist i’d be fine with it”. that’s… so fucked up… just SO fucked up

-lex has as creepy room full of roses and candles and i think we’re supposed to see it as romantic but it’s seriously so creepy

-lana walking around with her hand on her completely flat stomach because SHE IS PREGNANT. stellar acting/directing choice there

-teen wolf is in this episode

-the domestic life of lex and lana is utterly unbearable

-amsterdam is famously romantic is it lex? i think of two things when i think of amsterdam and neither of them are very romantic

-oh we’re doing an illegal immigrant storyline. let’s see how this holds up. are we gonna touch superman being the ultimate illegal immigrant? this could go really well or really badly

-THE BLUE TRUCK MAKES IT’S GLORIOUS RETURN

-farmer intrigue! a pivot pin! clark just lampshaded how daddy kent was always working on the tractor! 

-this is my face every time lex and lana kiss:

image

-clark is actually coming through for me. PLEASE don’t let him be “proved wrong” by the narrative of the episode

-kill me jimmy olsen did the S P E A K I N G  R E A L L Y  L O U D L Y  A N D  S L O W L Y to teen wolf who is an “illegal alien” this isn’t a lovable mistake it’s just incredibly racist

-the narrative proved clark right thank fuck they didn’t fuck this episode up

-i mean they didn’t do anything particularly incisive with an interesting idea but still it wasn’t a steaming pile of poo

-amsterdam is full of canals, i don’t think a stretch limo is the best vehicle? tfw you’re so rich you start being impractical

-lana: unlike some people i know, lex doesn’t lie to me. me: i am so ready for the other shoe to drop with this. i was ready yesterday, last week, a year ago

-whoa that was some proper pop punk emo soundtrack action to close the episode

season six! i have no interesting spin to put on this heading i’m watching season six of smallville that’s all that’s going on here:

-i would watch a whole show set in the phantom zone tbh

-lionel is kinda like almost a good guy now? surely he’s gonna die soon or suddenly undo all the character development he’s been having. i just hope it’s the option that hurts mum kent least

-jimmy olsen is here now. i have… no strong feelings about this development. chloe seemed to recognise him so he might have been on the show before but i genuinely don’t remember sooooo 

¯_(ツ)_/¯

-zod!lex (or should it be lex!zod?) just drove a pipe through lana’s hand that was INTENSE

-i love super powered fights i LOVe em

– he said it! “kneel before zod”

-clois hospital bed hand holding! nice™

-oh i guess last season was honduras and this season we’re spending time in argentina. or not. maybe that was a one-off

-omg they’re calling the riots and stuff “dark thursday”. how extra

-clark pushing nails in with his bare hands is my kink

-SUPER SNEEZE

-idk WHAT lois is jogging in but that is NOT a sports bra

-mum kent: clark is that the first time you’ve ever sneezed? clark: and the first time i’ve had a scratchy throat. that’s another one of those perfect quotes i don’t need to add anything to

-villain of the week doesn’t know how to pronounce entrepreneur

-…i think the villain just threatened to shoot lex’s dick off

-OLIVER! OLIVER! HOLY SHIT IT’S OLIVER! OLIVER QUEEN! when i used to watch this as a kid with my mum we used to call him “oliver top-off” cause he was shirtless pretty much every episode. i’m SO pleased to see him and it’s not just cause i’m a thirsty bisexual bitch

-chloe: you can do anything! clark: except sneeze on command! eventually these things are just gonna be lists of ridiculous quotes from the show with no comments from me

-first appearance of super breath! i love it when we get a new power, although i did think his super breath was icy, but apparently not

-my sunshine man just literally blew the rainclouds away

-oh yeah lex has cameras in lana’s bedroom. gosh they’re such a HEALTHY couple

-dead body impaled in the woods? how very hannibal of you smallville

-now. i am a messy bench who loves drama all the way. but the interpersonal bullshit i see coming this season? i. am. not. here. for. it. go back to the bee fighting i miss the bee fighting

-clark, in an incredibly dramatic whisper in extreme close up: seeds

-they’re talking about this ~eeeeevil plant~ and clark and lex are menacing at each other about it but it’s an orchid. i know what an orchid looks like and that is an orchid. it’s not even the orchid shaped like someone showing their dongle

-clark and lex just broke up for the 300000th time

-lana: lex seems to think i’m dragging clark’s ghost around with me. chloe: and he didn’t sign up for a threesome? me: he absolutely did

-i have typed chloe as chole every. single. time.

-why is clark’s dynamic with jimmy olsen so weird?

-there’s a band at lex’s party that was probably popular when this was aired but i have no idea who they are

-this has been a really gory episode. vines bursting out of people’s stomachs, people impaled on vines, vines shoving their way down people’s throats. is this gonna be a thing now?

-i think lex made his charity party thing a costume thing just so he could dress up as alexander the great. some things never change

-for a party supposedly full of rich people these costumes are shit

-lex just romantically untied lana’s halter dress because this show is set in a universe where halter tops can be considered remotely romantic

-lois is upsetting rich people i’m so happy

-i don’t hate lois and oliver together cause a) i know it ends, b) lana and lex are currently drawing all my ire, and c) they’re not a horrible dysfunctional mess yet

-ooooo we get some green arrow robin hood action yeeees

-also lois’s kink is superheroes. get it girl

-oliver found out Clark’s Secret so early, this is actually a really interesting development???

-like, i know that we’re supposed to see ollie as ~morally gray~ but i hate capitalism so much i’m 100% on board with his whole stealing from the rich thing which i’m guessing the show doesn’t actually want me to wholeheartedly support?

-there’s a HUGE tonal shift going on and the show is starting to look like the smallville i remember from when i was little and it’s making me super nostalgic

-i LOVE the “how to be a hero” debate ollie and clark are having. i love their dynamic. he’s actually a really great addition 

-he’s gonna hurt lois though and i’m already mad

season five continues please don’t let anything like the last episode happen again:

-huh things went downhill for lana really fast. one episode clark breaks up with her the next she’s on suspiciously bright green unnamed drugs. okay

-clark just. ran to honduras. i lov him

-oh. lionel is here

-official smallville pig count: 2. it’s WILD that it’s taken this long and now we’re on a pig every episode rate

-whoa i think a guy falling on a circular saw and taking like 30 seconds to die is the grisliest death smallville has ever had

-now watch as despite lana stealing his car and also breaking into his house lex is completely fine with her cause that’s normal and healthy

-side note: i think my problem with the whole “i am entitled to your secret i cannot stand all these lies” thing comes from being a gay. like, no one is obligated to come out of the closet and Clark’s Secret feels a lot like that to me

-side note part two: how has literally no one on this show wondering about Clark’s Secret thought “oh, maybe he’s queer”? fucking wild, although maybe i should be thankful cause i don’t see that being done respectfully

-little girl just fucking murdered some fish by smashing all the glass in the house including their tank with her miiiiind poooooowers

-oh sweet lord i forgot how lovely clark is with kids

-lana: you must really trust me. lex: 100% me: she stole your car LAST EPISODE

-KRYPTO IS BACK but for some reason is called shelby now i guess??? okay???

-lois is as bad with kids as clark is good. excellent, great, wonderful. such rich pairing material

-lex getting aol video messages this is a noughties period drama

-evil guy with glass powers killed the fish not the little girl so we’re allowed to like her i guess

– do uh, diamonds count as glass now?

-clark adopting super powered kids is everything i want from this show

-this lex and lana storyline is making me actively look forward to when she is written out he’s been perving on her since she was FIFTEEN

-lana: what are we doing? lex: i thought we were enjoying an evening of chess. that exchange doesn’t really really need any input from me it’s already perfect

-the villain of this episode basically just hates capitalism which is fair. but also they murder people. not fair

-also they have a tinfoil face for some reason

-whoa. does… does lionel shave his armpits?

-lex is STILL trying to find “common ground” with clark cause he still loves him

-my boy broke through a wall then caught a lift this is what i’m here for

-bad guy took of his mask and lionel gasps but i’m there like “i have literally no idea who that is”

-lex luthor is what tony stark could have been we should be very glad he’s iron man instead. i just really love tony stark okay

-i pretty much unironically love the theme song now

-oh clark has a new ~mystery~ sugar daddy now

-lois is doing crunches whilst doing politics and i’m not sure who to thank or what i did to deserve this but OH BOY OH MAN OH WOW

-”clark kent is afraid of heights” is the best running joke this show has set up

-lois continues to have absolutely horrible taste in men and that is not just because she hasn’t shown interest in clark (or alternatively me) yet

-jfc lois just poured nearly an entire thing of sugar into her coffee. you don’t need to drink the bean juice if you need that much sugar babe, come join me in the leaf water corner

-alright by the 15th pun surely someone would have worked out that this guy is a hitman? i mean “it can get a little cutthroat”???

-he just invited lois to a coldplay concert. PERIOD DRAMA

-mmmmmm a classic hard thing shattering against clark shot whilst somehow leaving his clothes undamaged literally my favourite

-lois in the shower! CLARK SEEING LOIS NAKED! yeeeeeeeeees the episode is SO GOOD

-lois takes hour and a half long showers. i love her so much

-lois: why can’t i meet a decent guy from a decent family? me, openly weeping: YOU ALREADY HAVE

-mum kent finishing up the episode being completely right about absolutely everything yet again

-daddy kent shows up at his own grave (extremely extra) to tell clark to kill daddy luthor and he says it because lionel is gonna do something terrible but we all know its because dad kent is missing dad luthor and wants to have homoerotic arguments with him in the afterlife

-mum kent: jonathan, you know you’re the only man i’ve ever loved. me: well that’s not a very straight thing to say

-i haven’t had much to say about this episode cause i’ve been eating my tea whilst watching but i’m not convinced for a second that clark is actually gonna kill someone

-tractor throwing! yaaaay! now we know for sure it isn’t the real dad kent. he spent so long fixing the damn thing he would never just throw it at clark and break it again

-doctor: well lex you’ve never been healthier. me: seriously what happened to the blood purification thing. i genuinely don’t remember that ever being resolved

-lex: clark’s specialty is barging in where he isn’t invited. me: EXCUSE ME? E X C U S E  M E??? that is the most hypocritical thing i’ve ever heard anyone on this show say holy shit

-lois just referenced the night stalker. i see you babe. my girl is into true crime

-i’m actually so excited for

Andrew Jacoby, Duke of Kenilworth

to show up as general zod but that might actually be ages yet idk

-DO NOT RING PEOPLE WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING

-”i’ll be there tonight” why do fictional people always say this? “tonight” is such a wide bracket of time

-i’m not even gonna talk about lana’s arc this season

-clark just got sent to the phantom zone so that’s fun. no, not fun. what’s the opposite of fun?

-ooooooo, nice use of stock footage of riots

-i have no idea why people are actually rioting but it’s certainly injecting some drama into the last minutes of the season

-lana’s doing her big romantic speech to lex but the whole city is rioting and it doesn’t really seem like the time

-clark is gonna have to save an awful lot of people really fast at the start of the next season when this cliffhanger is resolved

aaaaaaand MORE smallville season 5: 

-nice grey sky over the barn. i can see the director shouting “it’s a METAPHOR. it represents GRIEF. we are SAD TODAY" 

-clark is fixing a tractor in memory of daddy kent 

-and breaking tools. a well established favourite of mine 

-i guess clark is gonna be a masterclass in repression for the rest of this season 

-oh HAI blue truck ily 

-oh heeeeey mysterious vigilante lady 

-daddy kent is still in the credits rip 

-repressed angry grieving clark has shades of rkc. i love rkc. i miss rkc 

-chloe and clark staging a mugging is exactly the level of silly it needs to be. a classic smallville moment 

-daddy luthor: *holding gun* this isn’t a weapon, it’s a piece of history. me & lex: u can be… two things

-daddy luthor not realising asking lex not to be melodramatic is like asking me not to cry every time i visit a planetarium 

-chloe and mum kent have a lovely bonding moment over how weird shit is 

-lovely lady vigilante is deaded by the end of the episode i bet 

-lex just used the expression "a freshly laid corpse” and like wut? freshly laid like an egg? what the hell lex who wrote this dialogue? 

-WHO WROTE THIS SCENE?!? lex is threatening daddy luthor with telling martha he met with daddy kent just before he kicked the bucket. he’s described it as a “transgression”… but… they just had an angry homoerotic chat in the barn? 

-snake? snake? SNAAAAAAAAAKE 

-it should be sad but actually it’s hilarious that lionel likes clark more than he likes lex 

-MUM KENT IN SENATE it makes no sense (or if it does american politics are so incredibly broken, even more so than is immediately obvious ahem) but YAAAAS 

-hmmm not dead but disappeared 

-oh good an episode dealing with mental illness this is going to be handled TERRIBLY 

-lois: can you not do anything ridiculous for five minutes? clark: *punches a hole in a wall* 

-FUCK YOU lex and fuck lana for helping you 

-i love it when clark meets other super humans especially when they’re as lovely as victor 

-daddy luthor’s massive crush on mum kent is one of my favourite parts of the show 

-lana: whenever you’re ready, i’ll be waiting, for as long as it takes. me: so you break up this episode then? 

-i feel like this has happened before. clark has been hypnotised before right? 

-jesus christ it’s been so long do you know how far down in my drafts i had to go down to find this ugh

-lana: so according to these incredibly conspicuous maps you’re either going on holiday or this professor bloke is in central america. lex: both! i’m incredibly rich

-lex: i promise when i get back i’ll tell you everything. lana: well honesty is my kink. me: lex has never once been honest in his entire life PLEASE

-clark summarising his powers: i can run really fast. bless my puppy man

-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh this is sexual assault? plot device to make clark and lana break up hypnosis girl has removed clark’s ability to consent and it’s making me SUPER uncomfortable

-HE BENT A STRONG THING I’M NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS EPISODE BUT A STRONG LAD BENT A STRONG THING AND I love THAT

-clark is shirtless but it’s BAD i HAte this episode

-huh plot device to make clark and lana break up hypnosis girl has a really poorly fitting bra

-like. this is different to rkc because that was still clark just without inhibitions but this is him literally being hypnotised into sexual activities he would not have otherwise consented to am i literally about to watch superman get raped????

-”make love to me clark” THIS IS RAPE

-yeah yeah great lana caught them and got her close up crying scene but now we’ve cut to lex’s place but what happened to clark???

-jesus fucking christ this episode is rough

-okay so plot device to make clark and lana break up hypnosis girl is protecting clark’s secret from lex which is nice but she’s sexually assaulted him and possibly raped him at this point so like, this is not a redemptive act and if this episode tries to give her a redemption arc i’m gonna riot 

-chloe please rescue me and clark from this hellish episode

-with all this awful bullshit going on i’ve neglected to mention that lex is randomly in honduras this episode and honestly it feels so detached from the rest of the plot. i’m gonna pretend the rest of the episode isn’t happening

-official smallville pig count: 1. i just thought it was noteworthy that in a show where the main character lives on a farm we have to wait until the fifth season and have to travel to honduras in-universe in order to see a very common farm animal

-as always, lex is aware something shifty is afoot but is completely, tragically wrong about the specifics. some things never change, luckily for milton fine (what a name btw)

-lex looked visibly uncomfortable when someone else started referencing mythology and ancient cultures. “that is my job. only me and my family do that. wait are we related?”

-clark literally tapped lois on the head like *boop* and she fell over knocked out and it shouldn’t have been funny but here we are i have to take what i can get from this episode

-oh thank fuck they confirmed she never raped him that’s something at least

-mum kent: do you think you didn’t tell lana your secret cause deep down you don’t think she’s the one? me: holy shit how is mum kent literally always right

-oh fuck now i’m gonna have to endure lana and lex the Worst Pairing