Category: Uncategorized

publiusvergiliusmaro:

A list of storylines we DESERVE from an Iliad adaptation

So this post comes about due to my intense frustration at the new Troy show for going down the ‘romanticising Helen and Paris’ route. So instead of following that old, boring and frankly disgusting plot line (he literally kidnapped her, y’all), here is a list of storylines I want to see in an Iliad adaptation:

  • Odysseus faking madness to get out of going to war
  • Odysseus and Diomedes drowning Palamedes on their first friendship date
  • Achilles disguised as a girl on Scyros and his discovery by Odysseus and Diomedes
  • most of these are gonna be Odysseus and Diomedes related tbh
  • Patroclus’ backstory about him accidentally killing a friend over a game (if ever there was a character who deserves so much better from Iliad adaptations, it’s Patroclus)
  • Paris’ first wife (WHY DO WE IGNORE THIS BUT SHAME HELEN FOR “ABANDONING” MENELAUS 🤔)
  • More Hector and Andromache content
  • Hecuba brutally mutilating Polymestor and his sons for killing her son
  • Odysseus and Diomedes’ night raid and them bathing together
  • Odysseus’ sexy thighs
  • More Aeneas content pls

Please Feel free to add to this list, it is by no means complete 🙂

philoctetes and his stinky foot

that one bit where priam smears himself in shit 

hecuba whipping out her titty and yelling at hector to come back inside

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE SCENE WHERE APHRODITE FORCES HELEN TO SLEEP WITH PARIS EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN’T WANT TO HONESTLY HOW TF CAN YOU ROMANTICISE THIS RELATIONSHIP

a full episode that’s just the catalogue of ships

“every single one of my other 49 sons is absolute shit compared to hector i hate you all”

achilles backstory complete with crossdressing

STOP MAKING ODYSSEUS BORING

“hey hector maybe chill for just one second in ten years and have a drink” “hoW COulD YoU insuLT MY honouR tHIs WAy?!?!?!”

everyone just always crying all the time

O E N O N E

achilles straight up (lol as if this BIcon has ever been straight but anyway) fighting a river

helen CHOOSING menelaus

busket:

shigechisgrandpa:

busket:

btw the ending of odyssey made me lose me shit

I like the bit where Poseidon shipwrecks them for like 40 years

i dont remember that part but I liked playing as bowser and breaking rocks

the best bit is when odysseus shows up “naked and encrusted with salt” on a island, homer tells us he’s got a big dick and then he compares a teenage girl to a palm tree and she’s totally into it

meanexwife:

other girls: respectable hut at the edge of the village, uncursing wells, turning into a black cat to steal into a tyrant’s bedchambers and assassinate him in his sleep

me: no familiar, crushing my herbs with a rock i picked up outside, trying to make casual conversation with crows but they keep predicting my death instead

tiffany aching ghostwrote this post

tagmemystrich:

norbury:

oh boo hoo i’m odysseus and i get to cruise around the sea for years and sleep with a bunch of beautiful goddesses oh woe is me my life is so hard . Grow up odysseus i would pay real money for that to be my life

I mean, this is literally the life lesson of the Odyssey. The final chapter is he’s reunited with his loving wife and he can’t settle down so he flat out tells her “Hey I’m going to go back on my ship. I might get lost for another 10+ years honey. kluvuBAI.”

penelope straight up isn’t IN the final chapter of the odyssey, that’s all odysseus going to see his daddy and having one extra final little battle which is quickly diffused by athena and then they all hold hands and are friends again. the closest thing i can find to this is when odysseus is talking to penelope about how they’re gonna restore his lands (specifically his “flocks”) and he says “well i’ll do some raids to get some of our stuff/prosperity (read: sheep) back but the rest people will give us” which is fair considering they nicked his stuff (sheep) in first place. it’s not gonna take 10+ years to get some fucking sheep. i KNOW people wanna find all these modern ideals and life lesson things but that’s not the story of the odyssey. sorry :I

birdsquirrel:

every ot3 has these very important roles:

  • person a, who runs headlong into crazy bullshit
  • person b, who acts like they’re too sensible to

    run headlong into crazy bullshit, but is really just as bad as person a

  • person c, who actually tries to avoid running headlong into crazy bullshit, but keeps getting dragged into it by the other two anyway

i’ve been staring at this in utter girl genius confusion for a good minute. they… they can’t ALL be person a???

fenm-universe:

musicalhell:

maxiesatanofficial:

How come period pieces are almost always dramas, anyway? I want to watch a sitcom about a dude in renaissance-era Tuscany trying to get rich quick by scamming the local merchant princes.

Changing Horses, the new comedy about the wacky goings-on at an 18th-century roadside inn.  Ed Helms can play the local incompetent highwayman.

Blackadder.  The first series takes place in Elizabethan England.

this is an excellent lie because anyone who has seen it knows we don’t talk about the first season of blackadder