iampinbitch

capntony:

#drag him 👏👏👏

the thing i love about this, really truly love, is that we can absolutely understand why he left her. we know there was absolutely no malicious intent. we know that it wasn’t even really his fault, events just overtook him. we know that we’d all probably forget too if we were blindsided by christine and obadiah revealing part of his betrayal

we know all of this, and pepper doesn’t

and despite all of this, pepper is still right. i wasn’t okay for tony to just leave pepper like that. and it’s a perfectly valid reason for her to still be reluctant to enter a relationship with him because he isn’t actually ready for it yet. he’s still got growing to do. the events of iron man 2 confirm that

we don’t actually get affirmation that tony is ready to be in a relationship until right at the very end of iron man 2, and it’s even after their kiss. we’ve know from their first appearance together that tony is in love with pepper, and vice versa, but the only times we see him prioritising her is in life or death situations: one of the first things he says when rhodey finds him after obie stole his arc reactor is “where’s pepper?”, he immediately heads for her when the hammeriods are about to blow up, he hears her voice when he’s being waterboarded. he knows how important she is to him in these dire circumstances and he’s willing to risk his own life to protect her, but he doesn’t know how to centre her wants and needs outside of them. this is why the strawberries scene is an important step. he’s right when he says “this is progress”, he knows he needs to apologise and he truly wanted to do something nice for her with the strawberries. he’s just not quite there yet

then comes the kiss. i love the kiss scene because pepper is very much taking a chance on tony there (probably prompted by learning that he was very recently dying). she’s not sure if he’s ready but she’s ready and she’s willing to let him prove to her that he is. and he does! it’s not even in a scene with her in it, but he does. tony telling fury that he’s “trying to do right by pepper” is an example of tony thinking of her in a situation where neither of them are about to die and when she isn’t even present. it ties up their arc over the two movies very nicely

the learning curve continues in iron man 3. the business with the bunny is tony prioritising pepper’s wants and needs but being so wrapped up his own bullshit that he’s not really very attuned to what those wants and needs actually are. and again it’s very understandable and it’s not really his fault that he messes up with the bunny, the horrific case of ptsd smacking him over the head at all times is a very valid reason to be kind of self absorbed. but by the end of the film he’s given her two gifts she does want: the promise to take some time off to sort himself out (which is really a gift to himself but that’s a whole different meta) and the shrapnel necklace (which is bizarre and morbid on a level only matched by “proof that tony stark has a heart” and just proves these two are meant for each other)

in age of ultron pepper doesn’t appear but tony mentions her several times, discussing her achievements and wanting to build her a farm. the iron legion and ultron are both examples of tony trying to “go home”. it’s a subtle development but it shows that tony really is trying to follow up on his promise to take care of himself

at first glance the civil war breakup doesn’t seem to fit this arc, but if we consider the events of age of ultron, and more specifically the effects of mind magic on an already fragile brain, it becomes pretty clear what happened there. “and then and then and then i never stopped”, tony said he’d retire and then he never did and i’m willing to bet that the guilt over ultron made tony a lot more reckless with his life again. pepper’s problem isn’t the suits, the pride she shows when she’s looking over the kids’ drawings in iron man 3 shows she doesn’t hate iron man, it’s the breaking of the promise and the lack of care about his own safety that will have given pepper second thoughts about their relationship

second thoughts tony has clearly addressed by spiderman homecoming. tony is clearly in therapy in this film: “boundaries are good”, “i’m trying to break the cycle of shame” are both classic examples of therapy speak. tony is getting himself healthy, and he’s recommitting himself to pepper in a serious way. so serious that in the next film they’re getting married and he wants kids

this is a breakdown of tony’s development in regard to his relationship with pepper but that’s not to say pepper hasn’t developed too. the films don’t focus on her and she doesn’t make nearly as many appearances so it’s harder to track but it’s there nonetheless. pepper has to let go of her trepidation about starting their relationship and jealousy over tony’s past flings (something she does when she’s initially suspicious of natasha in iron man 2 but is working seamlessly with her by the end of the movie), she has to deal with the traumas she has faced (one of the few things i’m actually bitter about with the iron man films is the lack of time spent on this) and she has to learn to compromise with tony about his suits and his safety (something she’s probably always going to find difficult, but tony struggles with things too so they can help each other). neither of them are perfect but together they can help each other get better

all this to say, i adore the arc between pepper and tony and i hope it ends in the way they deserve