Category: Uncategorized

i reckon this will be the last season six post which means i’ll only have four more seasons worth of posts to think up headings for:

-i don’t like jimmy. chloe can do better

-lana just got shot and has the tiniest most aesthetically pleasing bullet wound i have ever seen

-they’re doing a noir episode which is cool. unfortunately it’s jimmy centric. fortunately we’ve got classic nerd clark kent complete with glasses which is amazing

-clark just showed up in a suit with his hair slicked back oozing confidence and i just about fainted

-noir!lois is breathtaking this episode is not kind on my bi heart

-holy shit i looked it up and it was actually erica durance singing as noir!lois which means i am dead

-next episode opens up with some truly horrible cgi

-lex: you know we have about a dozen people who could do that for you. lana: there are some things i’d rather do on my own. lex: independent and not afraid to get her hands dirty, two of the billion reasons i fell in love with you. (this exchange would not be completely ridiculous except lana is arranging flowers. that’s what she’s doing on her own, that’s getting her hands dirty)

-lois lane hates fascists and flirts with girls

-lois’s first kiss story is amazing: steals dad’s whiskey, gets drunk, kisses boy, boy is totally into it, boy vomits and passes out, hitting his head in the process which leaves a lifelong scar, blood and vomit everywhere. what a first kiss

-ahhh they lampshaded the clark speeding away mid conversation thing. good times

-martha kent manages to get another democratically elected position without being democratically elected. wild

-the lana/lex breakup was so satisfying. soooo satisfying. i’m so glad that’s over

-nooooo lois. my girl just got stabbed

-holy shit lana just DIED (again, can’t imagine this time will stick either). what is happening???

-and chloe has healing tears! which apparently kill her to use so that sucks

-omg bizarro! BIZARRO! BIZARRO

villesmall six contined season (i’m just trying for variety here leave me alone):

-chloe: you never know when the next love of your life is around the corner. *lois walks in* me: *openly weeping*

-i hate jimmy olsen. that’s all

-i take it back for now apparently he was the first to see clois potential. wild

-I’VE GOT A NEW SHIP TAG KIDS! otp: hot fudge and halibut

-i really really wish lana could have something to do other than the terrible romance storyline but i also know that i need to be careful what i wish for cause the last time that happened it was the horrible witch arc

-lois shows up at the kent house in a really tiny skirt and mum kent has a very not straight reaction. i don’t know exactly when i got on this train but i do know i’m never getting off

-this is a red kryptonite episode and if i don’t see rkc i’m going to be devastated. have i mentioned lately how much i love him?

-lois made clark a mix cd and i would like to marry her immediately please

-lana: i won’t ask you to betray clark’s secret if you stop denying he has one. me: 🎶that’s a really unfair position to put her in lana🎶

-lois got a boob tattoo! (i am suddenly very confused about the timeline of this episode i thought clark superspeeded to the daily planet but lois has had time to get to metropolis and get a tattoo i am confusion). this episode reminds me of the smallville early days it’s nice

-clark is suffering™ on this valentines day

-RED KRYPTONITE CLARK IS BAAAAAAACK

-as soon as lois kisses clark she knows she’s kissed him before when could your ship ever???

-rkc just straight up told lois that oliver is green arrow i’m delighted

-lois: thank god i finally found a normal guy. me and clark: stares straight into the camera like we’re on the office

-lex and lana have another unbearably creepy scene in which lex is incredibly blatantly manipulative 

-lana: i don’t want people to think we’re getting married just because i’m pregnant. me: that literally is why you’re getting married though

-awwww man clark just showed lois his powers which means they won’t remember this

 -creepy lipstick lady is wrong about a lot of things but is 110% right about clois

-rkc is such a messy bench who loves drama and i love him

-the baddie of this episode attacks lana with an axe which is WHY WE DON’T KEEP RANDOM DECORATIVE AXES ON OUR WALLS LEX

-yet another bad guy who hates lex who kinda has a point

-mmmmm clark is doing carpentry. earlier on he had a horse. this was a good episode for farm boy clark 

-clark and lex have taken on the mantle of angry homoerotic barn chats from their respective fathers. what a tradition to pass down

-i don’t remember chloe having any superpowers but that’s what is apparently happening so  ¯_(ツ)_/¯

-clark literally just YEETED a picture of him and lana out of the window i love it when smallville gets angsty but just misses the mark and hits hilarity

-angry hay bale throwing! ah what a world, what a time to be alive

-clark breaks off a door! i don’t know why all my favourite things are happening in the first ten minutes of this episode but i’m delighted nonetheless

-i cannot possibly overstate this moment: lex is in a tiny(?) dark room, all alone with a glass of wine, watching on a massive screen footage of lana’s ultrasound. the most weird and extra thing i have ever seen tbh

-anyway i have never been more disappointed in my life to learn something was a dream sequence. also this episode had already had a dream sequence. two in one episode is excessive

-oh hi lionel. it’s been a while

-lionel: are you avoiding the fact that you’ve no one to be with and nothing to do? me: holy shit mate don’t hold back! but also yes it’s super unhealthy that lex has literally no other friends or close relationships outside lana. can’t believe lionel was the one to point that out

-lex killed a man on his own wedding day. fucking wow mate

-we’re onto a three dream sequence total so i guess that’s the conceit of the episode. that and the time skips which are making me <preludes voice> soooo tired

-i love it when we see the same coversation from different character’s points of view but the actual words said are different. love that

-ahhh lana’s wedding dress is just as horrible as i expected it to be

-poor clark. poor lana. that whole wedding situation was so fucked up

-wow that cold open was both pervy AND confusing

-i love that all the folx of the phantom zone (dibs on that band name btw) are played by professional wrestlers

-lex: it’s baby safe, just sparkling cider. me: a) lana is not pregnant so that’s not actually an issue b) CIDER IS ALCHOL- wait nevermind not in america carry on

-although what exactly is lex’s plan here? it will get to the point where lana really will notice that she’s not pregnant. is… is lex planning on faking a miscarriage cause that’s… just… evil

-lois is hardcore flirting with a terrifying wrestling woman and i’ve never been so delighted. my little bi heart can’t take this

-technically they’ve tried to be all mysterious with “the truth about lana’s pregnancy” but come on, what else could it actually be other than she’s not preggers?

-jeeeeesus fucking christ on a goddamn bicycle they really are going with a faked miscarriage that’s so incredibly fucked up christ lex this relationship is so abusive i’m feeling a bit sick 

-yet again this is an episode where one plotline is great and fun and the other is violently awful

-as soon as lynda carter showed up i could hear my mother’s terrible rendition of the wonder woman theme song echoing through my brainbox

-yet ANOTHER episode where the person going after lex had questionable methods but is actually completely correct and fairly justified

-lex: did you even try to see my humanity before you decided i had none? me: you were friends for literal years lex what are you talking about???

-i don’t know when this episode became just lex and clark angsting at each other underground but it’s amazing. is this moving the plot forward? not really. is this developing their relationship? not really. am i loving it? YES

-this episode has a lot of tom welling’s incredible bare arms and i would like to thank not only god but also beyonce

-also he’s kinda grubby and i kinda love it when he’s kinda grubby

-turns out i love the lana/lex dynamic when she knows everything and kinda hates him BUT HE STILL THINKS HE’S GOT HER IN THE DARK

-”if someone lied to me like that, they would lose my love forever” says lana, knowing full well that lex lied to her like that and that he knows he lied to her like that but that he doesn’t know that she knows hahahahaaaahhaha fantastic

-i know clark wouldn’t be clark if he wasn’t angsting about if he gave up on lex too soon but i would like to counter with what if clark didn’t give up on lex soon enough?

sneezon six:

-rita seeker-alike coming in to fuck shit up

-this episode is painful. i hate the lana drama episodes

-i’ve actually had to turn the sound off because i’m finding this scene so excruciating

-lois continues to do sports in a collection of the worst sports bras of all time

-FIRST CLOIS KISS FIRST CLOIS KISS FIRST CLOIS KISS

-i really like clark dressing up as the green arrow

-WHHHHHHHHHHY DOES LANA FEEL SO ENTITLED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE I HAAAAAAATE IT SHE’S NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH CLARK ANYMORE SHE DOESN’T GET TO BE A DICK TO CHLOE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

-like, sometimes i’m hurt that my friends don’t tell me things but ultimately it’s their lives and they have no obligation to talk to me about it why does no one on this show understand this?

-clark: lana, i hope lex makes you very happy. me: he won’t

-lex just walked into a room and said “a million dollars for your thoughts” i cannot stand him

-i literally cannot wait until lana realises lex has been lying to her holy shit i’ll be cackling for weeks

-so in the credits this season. there is a kiss between lana and zod!lex and it is the most painfully unsexy thing i have ever seen

-other superheroes! in an episode called “justice”. well this show has never been known for its subtlety

-the boys are back in town! it’s nice to see the flash AND aquaman AND cyclops all working together. it’s cute

-chloe is wearing something that is almost a Look. maybe soon the clothes will be bearable

-omg chloe just got called watchtower i… this is becoming the show i remember. i do miss the bee-fighting days though

-this episode is so cool it’s like proper superhero stuff complete with snarky team dynamics covering deep affection i lov

-cyborg and aquaman giving me the homoeroticism i have so sorely missed

-they

-walked

-in

-slow

-motion

-away

-from

-an

-explosion

-clark here like ”i will fix tractors like my father before me”

-surely the “main character is in a mental health facility and none of this show is real” trope was old even by the time this episode was concieved

-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh BAD depictions of mental illness i haaaaaate this episode how was the last one so good and this one so bad

-i just found out that the actress who played chloe was apparently part of an evil sex cult so that’s pretty weird. guess i gotta work on the whole separating an artist from their art thing that i’m so bad at

-i don’t know when this happened but i really want mum kent to get a girlfriend

-this is turning into one of those “i just gotta get through this” episodes

-i guess i just don’t like it when it’s clark against the world. he’s better with friends

-at least clark being absolutely wrecked when he has to fight without superpowers is always entertaining

-mum kent: don’t hurt him! luthor security men: *shoots wildly at clark*

-”take my yaris”

-lex: you really think you saved me? *shows clark he’s in a wheelchair* me: YIKE the ableism in this episode

-jor-el is a fucking soap i’ve never laughed harder can you believe smallville invented comedy

-dr man: the procedure is quite painless. CUT TO a massive drill pointed at clark’s head

-well i guess that’s over. a horrible episode all round really

monpetitrouge:

“There’s a tale in the Kabbalah that suggests that the Angel of Death is so beautiful that on finally seeing it (or him, or her) you fall in love so hard, so fast, that your soul is pulled out through your eyes.
I like that story. 

There’s an Islamic story that declares that the Angel of Death has huge wings covered in eyes, and that as each mortal dies one of its eyes closes, just for a moment.
I like that story too, and take pleasure in imagining huge wings, and a ripple of ever-opening, ever-closing beautiful eyes.

And there’s a touch of wish fulfillment in there too. I didn’t want a Death who agonized over her role, or who took a grim delight in her job, or who didn’t care. I wanted a Death that I’d like to meet, in the end. Someone who would care.
Like her.”
Neil Gaiman

Source: needleandknife

look i know it’s been approximately 300 years but i still think about laura wilson and eleanor rigby never becoming gods, the occurrence never occurring and my girls getting to be messy bi girlfriends who love each other so much and live for a long long time